Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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