I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Less talking, more tequila
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
