I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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