Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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