1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I met the friendliest cop last night
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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