so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
