He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize