When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
