I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
