Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
