How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
