btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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