I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
