In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
