'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I think people are normalizing furries
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
