just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
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