Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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