hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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