YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
In America we eat man semen.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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