they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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