would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
