you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
