The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
