plz talk dirty to me
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize