I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
