Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
