Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
