I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
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