My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
