What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
