Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
