You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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