grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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