and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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