Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
