i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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