GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
