OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
