Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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