If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
