He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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