Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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