You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize