My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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