Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
i believe in u and ur pee
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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