This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
