4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
