Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
