are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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