You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
