So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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