I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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