i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
