go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
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