I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Can vaginas get frostbite?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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