A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
