I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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