Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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