Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
