she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
why is half of my head shaved?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
