Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
