I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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