I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
