I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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