You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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