Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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